Chapter 11

A few hours later, I was sitting at home in front of my computer, staring blankly at the screen. Chem lab ended alright, I guess. We finished our experiment right on time and filled out our report sheets “separately” (with a little bit of help from each other)(ok, a lot). Heading to our separate ways, I went to the bus stop while Johnny went to his next class. I watched him walk away with a strange longing feeling in my heart. So what now, Lina? You like Johnny and you can’t deny that fact anymore. What are you going to do? My phone vibrated and a new text message appeared.

Hey Lina! How was your Chem lab? Did you survive? xD ~ Ginny

I replied back quickly.

Hi Ginz, I failed… what am I going to do?

Ginny replied back a few seconds later. She must be bored in class…

What do you mean, ‘What am I going to do’? There’s nothing wrong with liking someone, Lina! Just go for it!

But how do I go for it when I’m sure he only likes me as a friend? I don’t know why I feel so sad Ginny >.<

Awww, Lina… I’m sure he doesn’t like you as just a friend. And if he does, maybe he won’t later on! Just act like nothing happened and keep spending time with him like you usually do! He’ll come around sooner or later ;D Anyways, TTYL I’m sitting in the front row! Love, Ginny

Setting my phone on my desk, I sighed and went back to staring at my computer. I can’t go on like nothing happened, because something DID happen… I was going to see Johnny tomorrow too. Maybe not talking as much to him and staying away from him will help loosen the feeling…

Sitting in Chem lecture the next day, I looked down on my desk, waiting for Johnny to come. My heart thumped loudly, anticipating the sound of his footsteps. I peeked at the clock. 1 more minute until class starts. He usually comes 2 minutes after the clock strikes 10:30AM. Time seemed to go so slow as I watched the clock tick. Finally, I heard Johnny come down the stairs and sit in the seat next to mine. I wanted to turn my head and say hi, but I couldn’t do it, and I didn’t know why. I heard him open his backpack and take out his notebook and pens. Johnny started taking notes after our first midterm because I bugged him to. Not that he needed to though; he’d gotten 90% in that exam. It wasn’t until the teacher started lecturing when I realized something: Johnny hadn’t said a word to me yet. Was Johnny mad at me? What did I do? I remember we said bye to each other with smiles yesterday, and we haven’t talk since then…

Trying hard not to be upset at this, I turned my attention back to the prof but my mind was wandering elsewhere. I guess Johnny doesn’t like me as a friend after all… maybe it’s time to tell him how I feel and get rejected. The sooner I get rejected the better…so I won’t be in too deep to get out if it happens later on. But the way he hugged me last week…did it really mean nothing to him at all? Then why did he hug me?

Tears started well up in my eyes, but I managed to keep them at bay. Ok, you are going to tell Johnny how you feel at the end of class, and you will tell him that you still want to be friends after he rejects you. Nothing is going to change, ok? Ok, you can do this Lina.

I spent the whole class thinking about how I was going to tell Johnny. At the end of lecture, I decided to tell him up front and get it over with. “And that concludes today’s lecture”, my prof said. I stalled some time by putting my notebook and pens away. Johnny and I hadn’t said a single word and even glanced at each other the entire time. Standing up, taking a deep breath, and gathering all my courage, I turned to face Johnny, and was surprised that he was looking intently at me without a trace of a smile on his face. My heart was pounding so hard and loud I was certain he could hear it. “Johnny”, I began and was horrified to feel my tears starting up again. “There’s something I need to te-“ “No, Lina”, Johnny cut me off, his gaze on me never leaving. “There’s something I need to tell you.” “No, Johnny, it’s really impor-“ Johnny cut me off again. “Lina, listen to what I have to say first”, Johnny looked unhappy. “Ok”, I said, my tears were threatening to let loose. Johnny paused and then he said, in a sad voice, “We can’t be friends anymore.”