Chapter 13

Authour's Note: Sorry for the wait, I've been at camp and other stuff happened that kept me from writing...sorry if this chapter's boring and short and not as well-written.

I couldn’t help smiling for the rest of the day. What were the chances that Johnny would like be back? Heading to Chem tutorial with him the next day, he gently took my hand and turned to smile at me. I blushed and smiled back, I had never held a boy’s hand before and my hand felt tingly and warm in his. “So…I wonder how Scott is gonna take this”, Johnny laughed as we were walking down the hall. “What do you mean?” I asked, confused. “You don’t see how he acts around you?” Johnny asked, still laughing. “Uh, no? What are you talking about?” I frowned. “Nothing, nothing, I can’t wait to see his face”, Johnny cackled evilly. Uh, ok?

Stepping into the room and taking our seats, Johnny was still laughing and I glared at him. “What?” he asked, innocently. “You’re not gonna tell me why you’re laughing, are you?” I asked. “Na, you’ll know sooner or later”, Johnny wiped tears of laughter from his face. Scott came into the room momentarily to and his face brightened when he saw us. Ok, when he saw me. “Hey Lina! How was your week?” he asked facing me. “It was awesome! How was yours?” I asked. “It was normal”, Scott answered. “But I think it’d be way better if I asked you to go dinner with me on Saturday night, you know, as a hanging out thing.” What did he say!? That’s a weird way of asking someone to dinner… I was about to open my mouth to answer when Johnny said, “Actually, she’s going to be watching a movie with me Saturday night, sorry.” Scott and I stared at him. Ok, he did NOT tell me about that. What’s he trying to do? “Oh, um, ok then, next time Lina?” he asked me, shooting a cold glare at Johnny who was trying not to laugh. “Uh, yeah sure!” I stammered. Awkwardness filled the air during the whole class. When tutorial was over, we stood up and got ready to leave and Johnny took my hand again. Scott was packing up and looked up at me to say bye when he noticed our hands, looked at Johnny, then at me, and walked quickly out of the room without a word.

“Uh what was THAT?” I demanded to Johnny when we walked out of class. “You know he has a thing for you right?” Johnny asked, taking my hand. “What? He does not!” I exclaimed. “He does! It’s like, written all over his face”, Johnny smirked. “Ok, well, what’s this about a movie on Saturday?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “Oh yeah, about that, it’s gonna be our first date and I wanted it to be a typical first date event sorta thing. Is a movie ok?” he asked, smiling. “Um, it’s fine, what do you want to watch?” I asked. “Guys never choose you know,” Johnny chuckled. “Oh um, how about Dear John?” I suggested. “What’s with girls and chick flicks!” Johnny groaned. “Well, you told me to choose!” I smacked him. “Ok ok, if it’s for you, I’ll watch as many chick flicks as you want,” Johnny surrendered, pulling me close. “Alright then! You said it!” I smiled as I hugged him.

Chapter 12

30 minutes later, I was in Psychology class, tears silently pouring down my face. My thoughts went back to half an hour earlier, to that scene at the end of Chem lecture…

“We can’t be friends anymore”, his voice echoed in my head. The second he said that, I couldn’t breathe. It was like he’d taken my heart right out of my chest and flung it across the lecture hall. I just stared at him with watery eyes for a long time. I then realized he had opened his mouth again, possibly to explain why, but before he could utter a single word, I turned my back on him and ran up the stairs, my tears flowing freely. I ran to my Psychology class, not caring who saw me and collapsed in a seat.

I couldn’t pay attention during the whole class. Maybe I should’ve waited for his answer before I ran off… maybe I should’ve heard his reason first. How can I ever face him again, after all this? Taking out my phone, I told Ginny what happened through a long text. She replied back a few minutes later.

Lina…I’m so sorry to hear that happened. Why would he say that? Sweetie, I’ll wait outside your class ok? And pay attention! Your marks must not suffer because of him! I know it’s hard to accept all this… maybe he didn’t mean it that way? Don’t lose hope Lina! Love you! See you soon~

My heart felt warmed up a bit after reading her reply. Ginny was such a great friend. I wiped my eyes and sat up straight. I was going to forget about Johnny and everything that had happened between us.

After Psychology class, my eyes were puffy and red from all that crying. A strange emptiness filled my heart. Walking out of the lecture hall with a dazed look, I spotted Ginny right away. “Lina!” Ginny called, moving towards me. The moment she was right in front of me, I hugged her and cried new tears. “It’s ok Lina, it’s ok…everything’s gonna be ok”, Ginny patted my back. “Ginny, I don’t know what to do”, I cried. Ginny was about to say something when I looked up and gasped.

Stepping away from our hug, I fixed my eyes on a figure a few meters away from me. Johnny. What was he doing here? Doesn’t he have class? I was so surprised, I didn’t know what to do. Glancing at Ginny, she seemed to know who this guy was, even though she’d never met him before. I turned my gaze back to Johnny, who was staring at me. We had a stare down for a few minutes. Then suddenly, (I’m not sure who acted first) Johnny said “Lina…” and at the same instant, I ran towards him as fast as I could. Throwing my arms around him, he caught me and held me close. I don’t know what made me do it, I just wanted to be in his arms again, to feel cared for, to be protected, to feel loved…

After hugging each other for a moment, I met Ginny’s gaze and saw her beaming. She made a texting action and hurried off to her other class. Giggling, I turned to look at Johnny who was smiling at me. “So are you going to wait for me to explain now?” Johnny chuckled. “Yes, please do”, I replied. Letting me go for a bit, he held both my hands and said, “Lina, we can’t be friends anymore because I want to be more than friends. Lina, ever since you dropped that pen during the first day of class, I’ve never stopped thinking about you. I’m sorry I was so rude and mean to you during our first lab, I was in denial. Seeing you cry when you saw your midterm mark broke my heart and made me realize t hat I had feelings for you. I never want you to be sad again. And I hope you feel the same way? I’m so sorry for making you cry earlier in Chem, please forgive me?” I blushed, my heart glowing with happiniess. “Yes, I forgive you Johnny”, I replied, smiling like crazy. “Ok, then, there’s one more thing I would like to say”, he said, avoiding my gaze for some reason. “Hm?” I said. Looking up at me with something I couldn’t understand twinkling in his eye, he said, “Lina, will you be my girlfriend? I know we haven’t known each other for that long but I feel like I should ask this. You know, it’s a really hard question to ask, it seems so easy to ask someone that in movies, dramas, and other stuff but –“ I cut off his rambles. “Yes, I will Johnny”, I laughed. “Oh, what? You will?” he looked like he couldn’t believe his ears. “Yes I will Johnny!” smacking him on the head.

Pulling me close for another hug, I laid my head on his shoulder and sighed in happiness. Johnny felt the same way about me, Johnny is mine! I was the luckiest girl in the whole wide world.

Authour's Note: This isn't the end of the story.... >=)

Chapter 12 Prologue: Lina's Thoughts

Love. What a funny word. What is love anyways? Why do I feel so confused? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, I don’t know where I’m supposed to go. It took me so long to realize that I really really liked you as more than a friend. And today, I found out that I’ve liked you all along. Not a minute passes without a thought of you. I’ve tried so hard to get you out of my head, but it’s just so impossible. I’ve tried hard not to fall for you every time we talk, but I end up liking you even more. Being able to see you for only a few seconds already makes my day, and it’s also enough to turn my whole day around when I’m sad. What’s wrong with me? The way you smile, the way you look at me… I just can’t stop thinking about you. I’ve wanted to tell you that I like you for so long… but I just can’t bring myself to. I’m scared it’ll ruin our friendship. I’m so sure you don’t like me the way I like you, and I’m not asking you to. You’ll just always be one of those people I will never have. I just want to know, if you’ve ever considered liking me as more than a friend, or if even a single thought of me ever crossed your mind. Just knowing that you’ve thought of me at least once is good enough. Then maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to let you go sooner…

Chapter 11

A few hours later, I was sitting at home in front of my computer, staring blankly at the screen. Chem lab ended alright, I guess. We finished our experiment right on time and filled out our report sheets “separately” (with a little bit of help from each other)(ok, a lot). Heading to our separate ways, I went to the bus stop while Johnny went to his next class. I watched him walk away with a strange longing feeling in my heart. So what now, Lina? You like Johnny and you can’t deny that fact anymore. What are you going to do? My phone vibrated and a new text message appeared.

Hey Lina! How was your Chem lab? Did you survive? xD ~ Ginny

I replied back quickly.

Hi Ginz, I failed… what am I going to do?

Ginny replied back a few seconds later. She must be bored in class…

What do you mean, ‘What am I going to do’? There’s nothing wrong with liking someone, Lina! Just go for it!

But how do I go for it when I’m sure he only likes me as a friend? I don’t know why I feel so sad Ginny >.<

Awww, Lina… I’m sure he doesn’t like you as just a friend. And if he does, maybe he won’t later on! Just act like nothing happened and keep spending time with him like you usually do! He’ll come around sooner or later ;D Anyways, TTYL I’m sitting in the front row! Love, Ginny

Setting my phone on my desk, I sighed and went back to staring at my computer. I can’t go on like nothing happened, because something DID happen… I was going to see Johnny tomorrow too. Maybe not talking as much to him and staying away from him will help loosen the feeling…

Sitting in Chem lecture the next day, I looked down on my desk, waiting for Johnny to come. My heart thumped loudly, anticipating the sound of his footsteps. I peeked at the clock. 1 more minute until class starts. He usually comes 2 minutes after the clock strikes 10:30AM. Time seemed to go so slow as I watched the clock tick. Finally, I heard Johnny come down the stairs and sit in the seat next to mine. I wanted to turn my head and say hi, but I couldn’t do it, and I didn’t know why. I heard him open his backpack and take out his notebook and pens. Johnny started taking notes after our first midterm because I bugged him to. Not that he needed to though; he’d gotten 90% in that exam. It wasn’t until the teacher started lecturing when I realized something: Johnny hadn’t said a word to me yet. Was Johnny mad at me? What did I do? I remember we said bye to each other with smiles yesterday, and we haven’t talk since then…

Trying hard not to be upset at this, I turned my attention back to the prof but my mind was wandering elsewhere. I guess Johnny doesn’t like me as a friend after all… maybe it’s time to tell him how I feel and get rejected. The sooner I get rejected the better…so I won’t be in too deep to get out if it happens later on. But the way he hugged me last week…did it really mean nothing to him at all? Then why did he hug me?

Tears started well up in my eyes, but I managed to keep them at bay. Ok, you are going to tell Johnny how you feel at the end of class, and you will tell him that you still want to be friends after he rejects you. Nothing is going to change, ok? Ok, you can do this Lina.

I spent the whole class thinking about how I was going to tell Johnny. At the end of lecture, I decided to tell him up front and get it over with. “And that concludes today’s lecture”, my prof said. I stalled some time by putting my notebook and pens away. Johnny and I hadn’t said a single word and even glanced at each other the entire time. Standing up, taking a deep breath, and gathering all my courage, I turned to face Johnny, and was surprised that he was looking intently at me without a trace of a smile on his face. My heart was pounding so hard and loud I was certain he could hear it. “Johnny”, I began and was horrified to feel my tears starting up again. “There’s something I need to te-“ “No, Lina”, Johnny cut me off, his gaze on me never leaving. “There’s something I need to tell you.” “No, Johnny, it’s really impor-“ Johnny cut me off again. “Lina, listen to what I have to say first”, Johnny looked unhappy. “Ok”, I said, my tears were threatening to let loose. Johnny paused and then he said, in a sad voice, “We can’t be friends anymore.”

Chapter 10

For the next couple of days, I tried my best to stop thinking about Johnny and tried to repress my feelings for him. Amazingly enough, it worked quite well. Maybe because I haven’t seen him for a few days because it was the weekend and we didn’t have Chem class until Tueday. Dragging myself out of bed at 6:30AM for my Chem lab, the thought that I would be seeing Johnny didn’t register in my head until I was eating breakfast. My stomach gave an uncomfortable feeling because I didn’t want to see him and wanted to at the same time. No, I’ll make today a success. I will treat him like how I did when we first became friends. No awkwardness, no butterflies in stomach, nothing. I repeated those lines in my head over and over again as I was going to school and walking to my Chem lab.

Walking over to my station, I kept my head down as I prepared my equipment for today’s lab. I knew he wasn’t here yet, but I wanted to avoid looking him at all today. Sighing and pushing all regretting feelings away, I stared blankly at my lab manual pretending to be busy reading it. I heard footsteps nearing me a few minutes later and they suddenly stopped a few meters away from me. Johnny. Forcing myself not to look at him, I continued to stare my lab manual down. “Hey Lina”, Johnny greeted me. I could hear a smile on his face. “Hi Johnny”, I replied, still not looking at him. “So uh, difficult lab today?” he asked, probably noticing my strange behavior. “Uh yeah, very”, I replied shortly. “Oh”, he answered. Silence befell us, expect for the sound of my pounding heart. Ugh, darn it Lina, what are you doing? You’re not supposed to be ignoring him for no reason! Thankfully, our TA called us to the whiteboard and explained today’s lab.

“Today’s lab will be in pairs because it’ll require lots of stirring and measuring. Just partner up with the person next to you. You are required to hand in your own lab report at the end of your lab,” my TA said. I silently groaned. That would mean that I HAD to look at him and talk to him. Going back to my lab bench, I moved my equipment closer to Johnny’s side. “So uh, let’s start eh?” Johnny asked, smiling at me. I could feel butterflies start to form in my stomach, but I managed to shoo them away. “Yes, let’s”, I replied, returning a weak smile. Two hours later, Johnny and I were laughing and talking like normal. Lina, you didn’t have to worry about a thing after all! You can do this! Just two more hours! I filled a beaker with ice, water, and salt while Johnny prepared a mixture of unknown solutions in a test tube. Setting the test tube carefully inside the beaker, Johnny and I each grabbed a stirring rod and I stirred the beaker while Johnny stirred the test tube. We had to stir non-stop for 10 minutes.

However, the time passed quickly and my hand didn’t feel tired at all. Having a conversation with Johnny was so easy and they were always so interesting. I was so caught up in our conversation that I didn’t notice our hands were dangerously close to each other as we stirred. Nearing the end of the last minute, our hands accidentally brushed each other’s…

…and I was falling, too fast and too hard to stop. The repressed feelings I’ve locked up suddenly exploded. I should’ve known I had no hope in winning, even when it seemed like there was. I had won a losing battle.